wants vs needs

I want you right now. 

jealousy is shit

Ye aku jeles ok. Aku jeles. Tkyah a ckp dgn dia. Ckp dgn aku je. Ye aku tamak. Sbb dlm kepala otak aku mcm tgh ada special moment dgn kau and tk effected by dia. Kau ckp dgn aku je ah, tk payah la cakap panjang2 dgn dia ala aku jeles a shit la haish benci a ala tkyah la. Dengan aku je la. Tk payah lah dengan dia. Haih. 

choose me, please.

Cakap la dgn saya.
Whatsapp la dgn saya.
Buat la first move dengan saya.
Ajak la saya buat pape.
Suruh la saya buat apa2 utk awak pun takpe.
Saya nak buatkan. Relakan.

Buat la first move, excitement awak untuk cakap dgn saya. Please la excited nk cakap dengan saya. Buat la first move. Whatsapp la kata nk dengar pape ke ke nak tnye homework ke nak tanya apa2 je la.

you excites me

Everytime after i meet with you. I guess im falling for you. Am i falling in love? I dont know but what i know is that i fall for you.
Gosh. I dont even know why. I dont even understands why. But you excites me. Talking to you excites me. Seeing you excites me. Even thinking about you excites me. I can talk about you and only you all day long. God i can. I can talk about you with everyone.
Your existence itself excites me.
You are the second person in my whole life that excites me to talk to. Even theres no topic, theres nothing to talk about. But talking to you, did that to me.

Ahhh. I dont even understands. I know thaT i didnt fall in love. But i fall in something. Its not those lovey dovey love shit. Man, im tired of that. Next time, love dovey shit let that be when im in my marriage. Its like with you, just you, excites me. I can forget about you, not be having a conversation with you or whatever but just right as you came and talk to me again, the feeling all looooommmsss back in one go. And i fall back again :'))) its shit bcs it would be hard to get over you although im not falling in love with you.

Maybe im falling in excitement. Who knows.

bearable pain.

Everything hurts right now. Im in pain. 

Mungkin kah ini kifarah dosa.

mungkin ada yang lebih baik

Impian dan cita - cita. 

Bila sebut pasal impian dan cita -cita aku ada banyak. Tapi setakat kehidupan 21 tahun aku, ada satu impian dan cita2 aku yg dh lama terkubur since aku habis SPM. 

Which is impian dan cita - cita aku dalam studies dan career for the future. 

Aku habis SPM, aku tekad, aku nk sambung in architecture. Or perhaps computer science. tu tk sgt la, tp aku mmg nk sambung in architecture. Tapi ye lah, atas takdir, tak dpt sambung. Mmg tk dpt offer, interview skali pun mmg tk dpt. IPTS tu mmg ada, tpi mungkin sebab mahal, parents pun tknk. huhu. 

Tp takpelah. Aku redha walaupun impian tu dh lama terkubur.

Aku tahu tuhan tu maha menentukan segalanya. Dia lah sebaik2 perancang dan sebaik2 penentuan. Aku tk pernah betah atau bidas balik takdir. Aku terima dan aku redha dengan segala ketentuan yang Allah tentukan. Aku tahu, dan aku percaya dengan konsep rezeki yang tuhan berikan.

Kalau takde rezeki kat situ, kalau takde jodoh kt situ. mmg tkdelah. 

Tpi aku faham, kalau Allah taknak kasi sekarang, mungkin Allah akan ksi nanti. atau, mungkin Allah akan kasi lebih baik and lebih better daripada apa yang aku nak sgt. Allah tahu apa yang di belakang dan apa yang di depan. Aku tahu, semunya dah tertulis pun di luhmahfuz Allah. 

Dan aku terima sebaik - baiknya. 

So nk jdikan cerita dekat post ni.

Aku mmg support kalau kawan2 aku sambung studies dalam apa yang diorang nk. Walaupun skrg ni dh degree and setengah jalan dah, kalau dpt offer or interview in apa yang diminta dan diharapan. 

Pergi. Harung. Hadap. Fight for it !

Mmg aku gembira bila member bgithu diorng dpt offer and dpt interview bagai smua. 

Aku akan tolong sebanyak mana yang aku mampu. Aku boleh tolong kau get ready untuk interview. 

Sbb walaupun aku tk dpt nk merasa smua itu di ketika itu, sekadar 'tumpang kegembiraan' tu dah buat aku happy excited skali mcm aku dpt skali! hhahaha. itulah hakikat sebenar. 

Aku happy untuk mereka semua. Mmg aku benar2 happy. 

emotions

I can feel the jealousy. The vibe, the aura of jealousy from you. Im not saying im proud or anyting but man, even you didnt show it, but i can still feel it.

Somebody once said, its a curse and a blessing to feel everything very so deeply.
Everything that i feel are so very deeply. Every little things i interpret so very muchly deep. Its not that i over think things. But theres just so much emotions in me.

In evrrything that i do, i would very firstly, read the emotions on it. Emotions plays a very big role a in my life. Im affected by emotions so much. Like really2. For others, they can ignore apart of their feelings and emotions. But not for me. I feel everything. Even for the slightest thing.