mungkin ada yang lebih baik

Impian dan cita - cita. 

Bila sebut pasal impian dan cita -cita aku ada banyak. Tapi setakat kehidupan 21 tahun aku, ada satu impian dan cita2 aku yg dh lama terkubur since aku habis SPM. 

Which is impian dan cita - cita aku dalam studies dan career for the future. 

Aku habis SPM, aku tekad, aku nk sambung in architecture. Or perhaps computer science. tu tk sgt la, tp aku mmg nk sambung in architecture. Tapi ye lah, atas takdir, tak dpt sambung. Mmg tk dpt offer, interview skali pun mmg tk dpt. IPTS tu mmg ada, tpi mungkin sebab mahal, parents pun tknk. huhu. 

Tp takpelah. Aku redha walaupun impian tu dh lama terkubur.

Aku tahu tuhan tu maha menentukan segalanya. Dia lah sebaik2 perancang dan sebaik2 penentuan. Aku tk pernah betah atau bidas balik takdir. Aku terima dan aku redha dengan segala ketentuan yang Allah tentukan. Aku tahu, dan aku percaya dengan konsep rezeki yang tuhan berikan.

Kalau takde rezeki kat situ, kalau takde jodoh kt situ. mmg tkdelah. 

Tpi aku faham, kalau Allah taknak kasi sekarang, mungkin Allah akan ksi nanti. atau, mungkin Allah akan kasi lebih baik and lebih better daripada apa yang aku nak sgt. Allah tahu apa yang di belakang dan apa yang di depan. Aku tahu, semunya dah tertulis pun di luhmahfuz Allah. 

Dan aku terima sebaik - baiknya. 

So nk jdikan cerita dekat post ni.

Aku mmg support kalau kawan2 aku sambung studies dalam apa yang diorang nk. Walaupun skrg ni dh degree and setengah jalan dah, kalau dpt offer or interview in apa yang diminta dan diharapan. 

Pergi. Harung. Hadap. Fight for it !

Mmg aku gembira bila member bgithu diorng dpt offer and dpt interview bagai smua. 

Aku akan tolong sebanyak mana yang aku mampu. Aku boleh tolong kau get ready untuk interview. 

Sbb walaupun aku tk dpt nk merasa smua itu di ketika itu, sekadar 'tumpang kegembiraan' tu dah buat aku happy excited skali mcm aku dpt skali! hhahaha. itulah hakikat sebenar. 

Aku happy untuk mereka semua. Mmg aku benar2 happy. 

emotions

I can feel the jealousy. The vibe, the aura of jealousy from you. Im not saying im proud or anyting but man, even you didnt show it, but i can still feel it.

Somebody once said, its a curse and a blessing to feel everything very so deeply.
Everything that i feel are so very deeply. Every little things i interpret so very muchly deep. Its not that i over think things. But theres just so much emotions in me.

In evrrything that i do, i would very firstly, read the emotions on it. Emotions plays a very big role a in my life. Im affected by emotions so much. Like really2. For others, they can ignore apart of their feelings and emotions. But not for me. I feel everything. Even for the slightest thing.

let it be me

when all that you want is an attention from that one person but somehow someone else gots it and that someone is your friend and hmmmm jealous ? i guess so. but yeah whatever i have so much other things to think about so yeah 

so much anger

you

god. i dont why but i have so much anger towards you

i dont know if my judgement mixed with my own emotions , but hail the hell, there's so much anger i have towards you right now. 

i dont understands why. you're two different fucking person and its fucking anoyying. 

you during face to face and you in the phones are absolutely two different persons. 

but why, the person i communicate to on the phones are the ones that excites me more? 

The one on the social media, shows the real fucking you. And that excites me.

you face to face, is the typical kind.

i've met many with those typical kinds.

and that doesnt excites me luls

ok nuf shit bout that, the thing is im mad. so much anger. i guess i shouldnt be mad, but god, you're fucking anoyying. and im fucking mad. and aku harap kau terasa. ok bye.

being sane

i guess im starting to understand you.

i dont say that i understands you. but im starting to. 

its hard at first, but time gets by, i starting to see your patterns. how you deny, defy, how there's so many you in a person. im far from judging, really far. its not my place to judge you from being you. But all and all, you, im starting to see you. The more you close up yourself, the more people can see you. 

I guess im starting to see, because ive been there. I closed up to people. But as i get older, i understands that talking to people is the reason of my sane-ness. 

I am sane because i talk to others. Theres this girl, i've talk to her about everything. I knew her very little time. I knew her in my diploma time. she's a friend of friend. she a classmate. but she ends up being a friend. I guess, she's the kind you'd keep till you die. She knows everything about me. Everything that needs to know about a person. Even FA doesnt knows that private into my life. I dont why i told her everything, but i guess, she's the kind that would listen to you, and by listening, you could actually talk about anything, and its feels good to get things out of your mind. 

Getting things out of my head, is the one thing that keeping me sane. 

I know i have god. I have quran and religions.But i guess, as a human, we also need human touch. Back to my main topic, im going to say that, Im starting to see you. The other side of you.

Its okay, really, I dont need you to share your problems with me for me to understands you.